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New Birthday Cards

Containing a curious collection of New Birthday Cards with crazy comical characters compromised in insane extraordinary situations of miscellaneous lunacy, aside absurd sarcastic expressions and bizarre verbal statements in a concerning asylum of unconventional uproariously rib-tickling ridiculousness

Latest Greeting Cards

Featuring these Latest Greeting Cards a farcical mad house of peculiar maniacs and weirdos twisted and image manipulated into a further exaggerated visual insanity of distorted strangeness

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

£2.40

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

£2.40

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

£2.40

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

£2.40

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

£2.40

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

£2.40

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

£2.40

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

£2.40

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

£2.40

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

£2.40

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

£2.40

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

£2.40

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

£2.40

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

£2.40

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

£2.40

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

£2.40

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

£2.40

To offer someone a mint is polite.

To offer someone a mint is polite.

To offer someone a mint is polite.

£2.40

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

£2.40

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

£2.40

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

£2.40

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

£2.40

You're Blinding !

You're Blinding !

You're Blinding !

£2.40

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

£2.40

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

£2.40

To you and your Babooning Bottom

To you and your Babooning Bottom

To you and your Babooning Bottom

£2.40

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

£2.40

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

£2.40

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

£2.40

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

£2.40

Another day, another waste of makeup

Another day, another waste of makeup

Another day, another waste of makeup

£2.40

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

£2.40

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

£2.40

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

£2.40

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

£2.40

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

£2.40

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

£2.40

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

£2.40

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

£2.40

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

£2.40

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

£2.40

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

£2.40

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

£2.40

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

£2.40

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

£2.40

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

£2.40

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

£2.40

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

£2.40

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

£2.40

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

£2.40

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

£2.40

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

£2.40

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

£2.40

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

£2.40

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

£2.40

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

£2.40

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

£2.40

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

£2.40

Don't Get Long In The Tit

Don't Get Long In The Tit

Don't Get Long In The Tit

£2.40

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

£2.40

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

£2.40

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

£2.40

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

£2.40

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

£2.40

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

£2.40

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

£2.40

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

£2.40

Lesbians are fucking bitches

Lesbians are fucking bitches

Lesbians are fucking bitches

£2.40

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

£2.40

Happy Birthday Shit Head

Happy Birthday Shit Head

Happy Birthday Shit Head

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

£2.40

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

£2.40

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

£2.40

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

£2.40

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

£2.40

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

£2.40

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

£2.40

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

£2.40

Nil By Arse

Nil By Arse

£2.40

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

£2.40

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

£2.40

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

£2.40

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

£2.40

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

£2.40

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

£2.40

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

£2.40

Sod your soddin Birthday

Sod your soddin Birthday

Sod your soddin Birthday

£2.40

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

£2.40

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

£2.40

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

£2.40

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

£2.40

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

£2.40

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

£2.40

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

£2.40

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

£2.40

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

£2.40

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in…

£2.40

C is for Cunt

C is for Cunt

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

£2.40

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

£2.40

It's your birthday TWAT

It's your birthday TWAT

It's your birthday TWAT

£2.40

Simply, Cunt...

Simply, Cunt...

Simply, Cunt...

£2.40

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

£2.40

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

£2.40

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

£2.40

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

£2.40

Many Happy Returns WANKER

Many Happy Returns WANKER

Many Happy Returns WANKER

£2.40

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

£2.40

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Fuck Off' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Fuck Off' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Fuck Off' Don't You Understand

£2.40

I don't know what makes you a dumb fuck but it really works well

I don't know what makes you a dumb fuck but it really works well

I don't know what makes you a dumb fuck but it really works well

£2.40

Homosexuals are fucking arseholes.

Homosexuals are fucking arseholes.

Homosexuals are fucking arseholes.

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Beastiality Is Illegal' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Beastiality Is Illegal' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Beastiality Is Illegal' Don't You Understand

£2.40

Don’t get yourself shit-faced. Avoid Rimming

Don’t get yourself shit-faced. Avoid Rimming

Don’t get yourself shit-faced. Avoid Rimming

£2.40

People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’...so I ordered Penicillin

People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’...so I ordered Penicillin

People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’...so I ordered Penicillin

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Yeast Infection

Happy Birthday to you and your Yeast Infection

Happy Birthday to you and your Yeast Infection

£2.40

Don’t worry, it’s only gay if your swallow

Don’t worry, it’s only gay if your swallow

Don’t worry, it’s only gay if your swallow

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Gapping Sloppy Hole

Happy Birthday to you and your Gapping Sloppy Hole

Happy Birthday to you and your Gapping Sloppy Hole

£2.40

Eat Like A King And Fart Like A Dirty Fat Bastard

Eat Like A King And Fart Like A Dirty Fat Bastard

Eat Like A King And Fart Like A Dirty Fat Bastard

£2.40

Watching you eat your own cum is disgusting but I can’t look away!

Watching you eat your own cum is disgusting but I can’t look away!

Watching you eat your own cum is disgusting but I can’t look away!

£2.40

Now you are getting older... Perhaps its time to close the beef curtains

Now you are getting older... Perhaps its time to close the beef curtains

Now you are getting older... Perhaps its time to close the beef curtains

£2.40

I am sure you're somebody's reason to have a good wank

I am sure you're somebody's reason to have a good wank

I am sure you're somebody's reason to have a good wank

£2.40

Does my snatch look big in this?

Does my snatch look big in this?

Does my snatch look big in this?

£2.40

Now you're older, you’ll have to stop wanking all the time

Now you're older, you’ll have to stop wanking all the time

Now you're older, you’ll have to stop wanking all the time

£2.40

It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!

It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!

It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!

£2.40

Fed up with your ‘Gay Shit’

Fed up with your ‘Gay Shit’

Fed up with your ‘Gay Shit’

£2.40

If your teabagging? Careful not to strain yourself

If your teabagging? Careful not to strain yourself

If your teabagging? Careful not to strain yourself

£2.40

And now I'm feeling shit...

And now I'm feeling shit...

And now I'm feeling shit...

£2.40

Discovering alien technology while peering into your lover’s gape? Not a good sign.

Discovering alien technology while peering into your lover’s gape? Not a good sign.

Discovering alien technology while peering into your lover’s gape? Not a good sign.

£2.40

Many Happy Returns Donkey Dong

Many Happy Returns Donkey Dong

Many Happy Returns Donkey Dong

£2.40

You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!

You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!

You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!

£2.40

Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it

Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it

Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it

£2.40

Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass

Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass

Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass

£2.40

It's your birthday You Soggy Cum Bucket

It's your birthday You Soggy Cum Bucket

It's your birthday You Soggy Cum Bucket

£2.40

It's your birthday Shit Dick Cock Sucker

It's your birthday Shit Dick Cock Sucker

It's your birthday Shit Dick Cock Sucker

£2.40

Massive mistake sending my dyslexic mate a text saying

Massive mistake sending my dyslexic mate a text saying

Massive mistake sending my dyslexic mate a text saying "Can you fetch my wife from home"

£2.40

Many Happy Returns of the Turd Thumper

Many Happy Returns of the Turd Thumper

Many Happy Returns of the Turd Thumper

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Tea Bagging' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Tea Bagging' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Tea Bagging' Don't You Understand

£2.40

Happy Birthday to You - You Greedy Bottom

Happy Birthday to You - You Greedy Bottom

Happy Birthday to You - You Greedy Bottom

£2.40

It's your birthday Smeg Head

It's your birthday Smeg Head

It's your birthday Smeg Head

£2.40

It's your birthday You Poleslaw Snot Guzzler

It's your birthday You Poleslaw Snot Guzzler

It's your birthday You Poleslaw Snot Guzzler

£2.40

I often say to myself.

I often say to myself.

I often say to myself. "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"

£2.40

I understand you are still getting erections?

I understand you are still getting erections?

I understand you are still getting erections?

£2.40

You are such a slut, we will have to bury you in a Y shaped coffin

You are such a slut, we will have to bury you in a Y shaped coffin

You are such a slut, we will have to bury you in a Y shaped coffin

£2.40

I feel violated… can you do it again?

I feel violated… can you do it again?

I feel violated… can you do it again?

£2.40

I understand you're feeling a little queer. Can I have a go?

I understand you're feeling a little queer. Can I have a go?

I understand you're feeling a little queer. Can I have a go?

£2.40

I love every bone in your body... especially mine

I love every bone in your body... especially mine

I love every bone in your body... especially mine

£2.45

If a dove is the bird of peace, then let the swallow be the bird of true love

If a dove is the bird of peace, then let the swallow be the bird of true love

If a dove is the bird of peace, then let the swallow be the bird of true love

£2.45

Blast Your Blasted Birthday

Blast Your Blasted Birthday

Blast Your Blasted Birthday

£2.40

I know you? you're Fuck Face. Happy Birthday Fuck Face

I know you? you're Fuck Face. Happy Birthday Fuck Face

I know you? you're Fuck Face. Happy Birthday Fuck Face

£2.40

When nailing your scrotum to the table, remember to leave the pilers within arms reach

When nailing your scrotum to the table, remember to leave the pilers within arms reach

When nailing your scrotum to the table, remember to leave the pilers within arms reach

£2.40

I know you sucked the hamster up with the vacuum cleaner

I know you sucked the hamster up with the vacuum cleaner

I know you sucked the hamster up with the vacuum cleaner

£2.40

I distrust camels... and anyone else who can go a week without a drink

I distrust camels... and anyone else who can go a week without a drink

I distrust camels... and anyone else who can go a week without a drink

£2.40

It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings...you're a piss head and we get pissed up

It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings...you're a piss head and we get pissed up

It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings...you're a piss head and we get…

£2.40

A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand

A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand

A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand

£2.40

Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday

Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday

Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday

£2.40

I say no to alcohol, but it doesn't listen

I say no to alcohol, but it doesn't listen

I say no to alcohol, but it doesn't listen

£2.40

A wild night full inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It must be your birthday

A wild night full inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It must be your birthday

A wild night full inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It must be your birthday

£2.40

If you get drunk on your birthday don't worry... I'll let my sex drive

If you get drunk on your birthday don't worry... I'll let my sex drive

If you get drunk on your birthday don't worry... I'll let my sex drive

£2.40

Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery

Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery

Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery

£2.40

Do you actually like the taste or is it humiliation?

Do you actually like the taste or is it humiliation?

Do you actually like the taste or is it humiliation?

£2.40

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

£2.40

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

£2.40

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

£2.40

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

£2.40

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

£2.40

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

£2.40

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

£2.40

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

£2.40

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

£2.40

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

£2.40

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

£2.40

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

£2.40

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

£2.40

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

£2.40

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

£2.40

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

£2.40

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

£2.40

To offer someone a mint is polite.

To offer someone a mint is polite.

To offer someone a mint is polite.

£2.40

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

£2.40

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

£2.40

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

£2.40

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

£2.40

You're Blinding !

You're Blinding !

You're Blinding !

£2.40

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

£2.40

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

£2.40

To you and your Babooning Bottom

To you and your Babooning Bottom

To you and your Babooning Bottom

£2.40

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

£2.40

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

£2.40

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

£2.40

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

£2.40

Another day, another waste of makeup

Another day, another waste of makeup

Another day, another waste of makeup

£2.40

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

£2.40

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

£2.40

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

£2.40

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

£2.40

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

£2.40

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

£2.40

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

£2.40

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

£2.40

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

£2.40

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

£2.40

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

£2.40

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

£2.40

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

£2.40

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

£2.40

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

£2.40

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

£2.40

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

£2.40

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

£2.40

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

£2.40

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

£2.40

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

£2.40

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

£2.40

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

£2.40

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

£2.40

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

£2.40

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

£2.40

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

£2.40

Don't Get Long In The Tit

Don't Get Long In The Tit

Don't Get Long In The Tit

£2.40

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

£2.40

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

£2.40

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

£2.40

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

£2.40

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

£2.40

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

£2.40

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

£2.40

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

£2.40

Lesbians are fucking bitches

Lesbians are fucking bitches

Lesbians are fucking bitches

£2.40

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

£2.40

Happy Birthday Shit Head

Happy Birthday Shit Head

Happy Birthday Shit Head

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

£2.40

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

£2.40

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

£2.40

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

£2.40

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

£2.40

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

£2.40

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

£2.40

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

£2.40

Nil By Arse

Nil By Arse

£2.40

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

£2.40

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

£2.40

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

£2.40

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

£2.40

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

£2.40

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

£2.40

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

£2.40

Sod your soddin Birthday

Sod your soddin Birthday

Sod your soddin Birthday

£2.40

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

£2.40

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

£2.40

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

£2.40

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

£2.40

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

£2.40

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

£2.40

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

£2.40

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

£2.40

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

£2.40

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in…

£2.40

C is for Cunt

C is for Cunt

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

£2.40

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

£2.40

It's your birthday TWAT

It's your birthday TWAT

It's your birthday TWAT

£2.40

Simply, Cunt...

Simply, Cunt...

Simply, Cunt...

£2.40

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

£2.40

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

£2.40

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

£2.40

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

£2.40

Many Happy Returns WANKER

Many Happy Returns WANKER

Many Happy Returns WANKER

£2.40

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

£2.40

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Fuck Off' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Fuck Off' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Fuck Off' Don't You Understand

£2.40

I don't know what makes you a dumb fuck but it really works well

I don't know what makes you a dumb fuck but it really works well

I don't know what makes you a dumb fuck but it really works well

£2.40

Homosexuals are fucking arseholes.

Homosexuals are fucking arseholes.

Homosexuals are fucking arseholes.

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Beastiality Is Illegal' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Beastiality Is Illegal' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Beastiality Is Illegal' Don't You Understand

£2.40

Don’t get yourself shit-faced. Avoid Rimming

Don’t get yourself shit-faced. Avoid Rimming

Don’t get yourself shit-faced. Avoid Rimming

£2.40

People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’...so I ordered Penicillin

People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’...so I ordered Penicillin

People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’...so I ordered Penicillin

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Yeast Infection

Happy Birthday to you and your Yeast Infection

Happy Birthday to you and your Yeast Infection

£2.40

Don’t worry, it’s only gay if your swallow

Don’t worry, it’s only gay if your swallow

Don’t worry, it’s only gay if your swallow

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Gapping Sloppy Hole

Happy Birthday to you and your Gapping Sloppy Hole

Happy Birthday to you and your Gapping Sloppy Hole

£2.40

Eat Like A King And Fart Like A Dirty Fat Bastard

Eat Like A King And Fart Like A Dirty Fat Bastard

Eat Like A King And Fart Like A Dirty Fat Bastard

£2.40

Watching you eat your own cum is disgusting but I can’t look away!

Watching you eat your own cum is disgusting but I can’t look away!

Watching you eat your own cum is disgusting but I can’t look away!

£2.40

Now you are getting older... Perhaps its time to close the beef curtains

Now you are getting older... Perhaps its time to close the beef curtains

Now you are getting older... Perhaps its time to close the beef curtains

£2.40

I am sure you're somebody's reason to have a good wank

I am sure you're somebody's reason to have a good wank

I am sure you're somebody's reason to have a good wank

£2.40

Does my snatch look big in this?

Does my snatch look big in this?

Does my snatch look big in this?

£2.40

Now you're older, you’ll have to stop wanking all the time

Now you're older, you’ll have to stop wanking all the time

Now you're older, you’ll have to stop wanking all the time

£2.40

It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!

It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!

It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!

£2.40

Fed up with your ‘Gay Shit’

Fed up with your ‘Gay Shit’

Fed up with your ‘Gay Shit’

£2.40

If your teabagging? Careful not to strain yourself

If your teabagging? Careful not to strain yourself

If your teabagging? Careful not to strain yourself

£2.40

And now I'm feeling shit...

And now I'm feeling shit...

And now I'm feeling shit...

£2.40

Discovering alien technology while peering into your lover’s gape? Not a good sign.

Discovering alien technology while peering into your lover’s gape? Not a good sign.

Discovering alien technology while peering into your lover’s gape? Not a good sign.

£2.40

Many Happy Returns Donkey Dong

Many Happy Returns Donkey Dong

Many Happy Returns Donkey Dong

£2.40

You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!

You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!

You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!

£2.40

Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it

Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it

Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it

£2.40

Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass

Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass

Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass

£2.40

It's your birthday You Soggy Cum Bucket

It's your birthday You Soggy Cum Bucket

It's your birthday You Soggy Cum Bucket

£2.40

It's your birthday Shit Dick Cock Sucker

It's your birthday Shit Dick Cock Sucker

It's your birthday Shit Dick Cock Sucker

£2.40

Massive mistake sending my dyslexic mate a text saying

Massive mistake sending my dyslexic mate a text saying

Massive mistake sending my dyslexic mate a text saying "Can you fetch my wife from home"

£2.40

Many Happy Returns of the Turd Thumper

Many Happy Returns of the Turd Thumper

Many Happy Returns of the Turd Thumper

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Tea Bagging' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Tea Bagging' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Tea Bagging' Don't You Understand

£2.40

Happy Birthday to You - You Greedy Bottom

Happy Birthday to You - You Greedy Bottom

Happy Birthday to You - You Greedy Bottom

£2.40

It's your birthday Smeg Head

It's your birthday Smeg Head

It's your birthday Smeg Head

£2.40

It's your birthday You Poleslaw Snot Guzzler

It's your birthday You Poleslaw Snot Guzzler

It's your birthday You Poleslaw Snot Guzzler

£2.40

I often say to myself.

I often say to myself.

I often say to myself. "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"

£2.40

I understand you are still getting erections?

I understand you are still getting erections?

I understand you are still getting erections?

£2.40

You are such a slut, we will have to bury you in a Y shaped coffin

You are such a slut, we will have to bury you in a Y shaped coffin

You are such a slut, we will have to bury you in a Y shaped coffin

£2.40

I feel violated… can you do it again?

I feel violated… can you do it again?

I feel violated… can you do it again?

£2.40

I understand you're feeling a little queer. Can I have a go?

I understand you're feeling a little queer. Can I have a go?

I understand you're feeling a little queer. Can I have a go?

£2.40

I love every bone in your body... especially mine

I love every bone in your body... especially mine

I love every bone in your body... especially mine

£2.45

If a dove is the bird of peace, then let the swallow be the bird of true love

If a dove is the bird of peace, then let the swallow be the bird of true love

If a dove is the bird of peace, then let the swallow be the bird of true love

£2.45

Blast Your Blasted Birthday

Blast Your Blasted Birthday

Blast Your Blasted Birthday

£2.40

I know you? you're Fuck Face. Happy Birthday Fuck Face

I know you? you're Fuck Face. Happy Birthday Fuck Face

I know you? you're Fuck Face. Happy Birthday Fuck Face

£2.40

When nailing your scrotum to the table, remember to leave the pilers within arms reach

When nailing your scrotum to the table, remember to leave the pilers within arms reach

When nailing your scrotum to the table, remember to leave the pilers within arms reach

£2.40

I know you sucked the hamster up with the vacuum cleaner

I know you sucked the hamster up with the vacuum cleaner

I know you sucked the hamster up with the vacuum cleaner

£2.40

I distrust camels... and anyone else who can go a week without a drink

I distrust camels... and anyone else who can go a week without a drink

I distrust camels... and anyone else who can go a week without a drink

£2.40

It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings...you're a piss head and we get pissed up

It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings...you're a piss head and we get pissed up

It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings...you're a piss head and we get…

£2.40

A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand

A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand

A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand

£2.40

Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday

Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday

Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday

£2.40

I say no to alcohol, but it doesn't listen

I say no to alcohol, but it doesn't listen

I say no to alcohol, but it doesn't listen

£2.40

A wild night full inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It must be your birthday

A wild night full inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It must be your birthday

A wild night full inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It must be your birthday

£2.40

If you get drunk on your birthday don't worry... I'll let my sex drive

If you get drunk on your birthday don't worry... I'll let my sex drive

If you get drunk on your birthday don't worry... I'll let my sex drive

£2.40

Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery

Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery

Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery

£2.40

Do you actually like the taste or is it humiliation?

Do you actually like the taste or is it humiliation?

Do you actually like the taste or is it humiliation?

£2.40

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

£2.40

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

£2.40

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

£2.40

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

£2.40

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

£2.40

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

£2.40

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

£2.40

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

£2.40

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

£2.40

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

£2.40

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

£2.40

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

£2.40

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

£2.40

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

£2.40

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

£2.40

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

£2.40

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

£2.40

To offer someone a mint is polite.

To offer someone a mint is polite.

£2.40

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

£2.40

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

£2.40

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

£2.40

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

£2.40

You're Blinding !

You're Blinding !

£2.40

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

£2.40

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

£2.40

To you and your Babooning Bottom

To you and your Babooning Bottom

£2.40

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

£2.40

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

£2.40

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

£2.40

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

£2.40

Another day, another waste of makeup

Another day, another waste of makeup

£2.40

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

£2.40

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

£2.40

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

£2.40

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

£2.40

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

£2.40

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

£2.40

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

£2.40

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

£2.40

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

£2.40

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

£2.40

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

£2.40

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

£2.40

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

£2.40

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

£2.40

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

£2.40

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

£2.40

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

£2.40

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

£2.40

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

£2.40

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

£2.40

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

£2.40

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

£2.40

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

£2.40

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

£2.40

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

£2.40

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

£2.40

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

£2.40

Don't Get Long In The Tit

Don't Get Long In The Tit

£2.40

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

£2.40

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

£2.40

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

£2.40

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

£2.40

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

£2.40

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

£2.40

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

£2.40

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

£2.40

Lesbians are fucking bitches

Lesbians are fucking bitches

£2.40

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

£2.40

Happy Birthday Shit Head

Happy Birthday Shit Head

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

£2.40

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

£2.40

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

£2.40

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

£2.40

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

£2.40

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

£2.40

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

£2.40

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

£2.40

Nil By Arse

£2.40

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

£2.40

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

£2.40

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

£2.40

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

£2.40

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

£2.40

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

£2.40

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

£2.40

Sod your soddin Birthday

Sod your soddin Birthday

£2.40

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

£2.40

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

£2.40

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

£2.40

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

£2.40

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

£2.40

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

£2.40

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

£2.40

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

£2.40

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

£2.40

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in…

£2.40

C is for Cunt

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

£2.40

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

£2.40

It's your birthday TWAT

It's your birthday TWAT

£2.40

Simply, Cunt...

Simply, Cunt...

£2.40

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

£2.40

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

£2.40

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

£2.40

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

£2.40

Many Happy Returns WANKER

Many Happy Returns WANKER

£2.40

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

£2.40

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Fuck Off' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Fuck Off' Don't You Understand

£2.40

I don't know what makes you a dumb fuck but it really works well

I don't know what makes you a dumb fuck but it really works well

£2.40

Homosexuals are fucking arseholes.

Homosexuals are fucking arseholes.

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Beastiality Is Illegal' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Beastiality Is Illegal' Don't You Understand

£2.40

Don’t get yourself shit-faced. Avoid Rimming

Don’t get yourself shit-faced. Avoid Rimming

£2.40

People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’...so I ordered Penicillin

People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’...so I ordered Penicillin

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Yeast Infection

Happy Birthday to you and your Yeast Infection

£2.40

Don’t worry, it’s only gay if your swallow

Don’t worry, it’s only gay if your swallow

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Gapping Sloppy Hole

Happy Birthday to you and your Gapping Sloppy Hole

£2.40

Eat Like A King And Fart Like A Dirty Fat Bastard

Eat Like A King And Fart Like A Dirty Fat Bastard

£2.40

Watching you eat your own cum is disgusting but I can’t look away!

Watching you eat your own cum is disgusting but I can’t look away!

£2.40

Now you are getting older... Perhaps its time to close the beef curtains

Now you are getting older... Perhaps its time to close the beef curtains

£2.40

I am sure you're somebody's reason to have a good wank

I am sure you're somebody's reason to have a good wank

£2.40

Does my snatch look big in this?

Does my snatch look big in this?

£2.40

Now you're older, you’ll have to stop wanking all the time

Now you're older, you’ll have to stop wanking all the time

£2.40

It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!

It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!

£2.40

Fed up with your ‘Gay Shit’

Fed up with your ‘Gay Shit’

£2.40

If your teabagging? Careful not to strain yourself

If your teabagging? Careful not to strain yourself

£2.40

And now I'm feeling shit...

And now I'm feeling shit...

£2.40

Discovering alien technology while peering into your lover’s gape? Not a good sign.

Discovering alien technology while peering into your lover’s gape? Not a good sign.

£2.40

Many Happy Returns Donkey Dong

Many Happy Returns Donkey Dong

£2.40

You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!

You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!

£2.40

Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it

Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it

£2.40

Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass

Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass

£2.40

It's your birthday You Soggy Cum Bucket

It's your birthday You Soggy Cum Bucket

£2.40

It's your birthday Shit Dick Cock Sucker

It's your birthday Shit Dick Cock Sucker

£2.40

Massive mistake sending my dyslexic mate a text saying

Massive mistake sending my dyslexic mate a text saying "Can you fetch my wife from home"

£2.40

Many Happy Returns of the Turd Thumper

Many Happy Returns of the Turd Thumper

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Tea Bagging' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Tea Bagging' Don't You Understand

£2.40

Happy Birthday to You - You Greedy Bottom

Happy Birthday to You - You Greedy Bottom

£2.40

It's your birthday Smeg Head

It's your birthday Smeg Head

£2.40

It's your birthday You Poleslaw Snot Guzzler

It's your birthday You Poleslaw Snot Guzzler

£2.40

I often say to myself.

I often say to myself. "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"

£2.40

I understand you are still getting erections?

I understand you are still getting erections?

£2.40

You are such a slut, we will have to bury you in a Y shaped coffin

You are such a slut, we will have to bury you in a Y shaped coffin

£2.40

I feel violated… can you do it again?

I feel violated… can you do it again?

£2.40

I understand you're feeling a little queer. Can I have a go?

I understand you're feeling a little queer. Can I have a go?

£2.40

I love every bone in your body... especially mine

I love every bone in your body... especially mine

£2.45

If a dove is the bird of peace, then let the swallow be the bird of true love

If a dove is the bird of peace, then let the swallow be the bird of true love

£2.45

Blast Your Blasted Birthday

Blast Your Blasted Birthday

£2.40

I know you? you're Fuck Face. Happy Birthday Fuck Face

I know you? you're Fuck Face. Happy Birthday Fuck Face

£2.40

When nailing your scrotum to the table, remember to leave the pilers within arms reach

When nailing your scrotum to the table, remember to leave the pilers within arms reach

£2.40

I know you sucked the hamster up with the vacuum cleaner

I know you sucked the hamster up with the vacuum cleaner

£2.40

I distrust camels... and anyone else who can go a week without a drink

I distrust camels... and anyone else who can go a week without a drink

£2.40

It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings...you're a piss head and we get pissed up

It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings...you're a piss head and we get…

£2.40

A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand

A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand

£2.40

Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday

Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday

£2.40

I say no to alcohol, but it doesn't listen

I say no to alcohol, but it doesn't listen

£2.40

A wild night full inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It must be your birthday

A wild night full inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It must be your birthday

£2.40

If you get drunk on your birthday don't worry... I'll let my sex drive

If you get drunk on your birthday don't worry... I'll let my sex drive

£2.40

Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery

Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery

£2.40

Do you actually like the taste or is it humiliation?

Do you actually like the taste or is it humiliation?

£2.40

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

Oh I just love what you've done with your hair

£2.40

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’

£2.40

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse

£2.40

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs

£2.40

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice

£2.40

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well

£2.40

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy

£2.40

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

£2.40

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps

£2.40

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing

£2.40

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’

£2.40

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass

£2.40

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!

£2.40

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

£2.40

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends

£2.40

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?

£2.40

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it

£2.40

To offer someone a mint is polite.

To offer someone a mint is polite.

To offer someone a mint is polite.

£2.40

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!

£2.40

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

£2.40

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!

£2.40

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back

£2.40

You're Blinding !

You're Blinding !

You're Blinding !

£2.40

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’

£2.40

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles

£2.40

To you and your Babooning Bottom

To you and your Babooning Bottom

To you and your Babooning Bottom

£2.40

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!

£2.40

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father

£2.40

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there

£2.40

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum

£2.40

Another day, another waste of makeup

Another day, another waste of makeup

Another day, another waste of makeup

£2.40

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you

£2.40

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me

£2.40

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’

£2.40

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!

£2.40

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick

£2.40

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

People who say size doesn't matter are shallow

£2.40

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

£2.40

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk

£2.40

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you

£2.40

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday

£2.40

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think

£2.40

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me

£2.40

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?

£2.40

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?

£2.40

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

£2.40

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!

£2.40

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength

£2.40

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!

£2.40

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now

£2.40

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker

£2.40

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel

£2.40

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age

£2.40

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits

£2.40

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern

£2.40

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone

£2.40

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.

£2.40

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?

£2.40

Don't Get Long In The Tit

Don't Get Long In The Tit

Don't Get Long In The Tit

£2.40

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge

£2.40

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.

£2.40

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday

£2.40

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday

£2.40

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book

£2.40

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter

£2.40

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?

£2.40

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely

£2.40

Lesbians are fucking bitches

Lesbians are fucking bitches

Lesbians are fucking bitches

£2.40

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse

£2.40

Happy Birthday Shit Head

Happy Birthday Shit Head

Happy Birthday Shit Head

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes

£2.40

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker

£2.40

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus

£2.40

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else

£2.40

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster

£2.40

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

I just want to say? Fuck! you're old

£2.40

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia

£2.40

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do

£2.40

Nil By Arse

Nil By Arse

£2.40

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend

£2.40

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid

£2.40

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted

£2.40

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head

£2.40

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats

£2.40

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap

£2.40

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning

£2.40

Sod your soddin Birthday

Sod your soddin Birthday

Sod your soddin Birthday

£2.40

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face

£2.40

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl

£2.40

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand

£2.40

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead

£2.40

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday

£2.40

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks

£2.40

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe

£2.40

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.

£2.40

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

It's your birthday You Old Cunt

£2.40

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig

£2.40

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe

They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe

£2.40

C is for Cunt

C is for Cunt

£2.40

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange

£2.40

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder

£2.40

It's your birthday TWAT

It's your birthday TWAT

It's your birthday TWAT

£2.40

Simply, Cunt...

Simply, Cunt...

Simply, Cunt...

£2.40

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there

£2.40

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber

£2.40

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?

£2.40

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

Everyone thought she was a Cunt...

£2.40

Many Happy Returns WANKER

Many Happy Returns WANKER

Many Happy Returns WANKER

£2.40

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday

£2.40

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin

£2.40