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Kiss Me Kwik
Latest Cards
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Lip International
Marc Arundale
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Occasional Cards ...
Offensive Birthday Cards
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Smart Alex
Valentine's Day
Vash Design
Vulgar Birthday Cards
Wicked Words (Bonkers Birthdays)

Products

It’s Your Birthday Layers Card
Robot
'Get Well Soon.' Fuck that, get well now.
'This Bud's For You' Merry Christmas
50's Domestic Goddess
A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand 
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
A friend with weed is a friend indeed
A Good Birthday is like Bum Sex
A Perfect Fit
A Trip to the Moon
A wild night full inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It must be your birthday
Absolutely Necessary IV Vodka 'Get Well Soon'
Absolutely Quackers
Absolutly Necessary IVodka
Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book
Acid House Smiley Face
Adults Only STUD
After all those drinks she was still a dog
After years of marriage Jack couldn't face another dry old bird
Age Denial
Air Strike
Alcohol Goes In Fun Comes Out
Alice in Wonderland
Alien Probe - Don't Just Stand There. Probe Me!
All I want for Christmas is peach on earth and an end to world poverty. All I want is a rich man with a huge cock
All I want for Christmas is plenty of drugs and booze
All I want for Christmas is to escape this madness
All I want for Christmas...
All it took was a New Set of Batteries!
All Work And No Play
All You Need for Christmas is Bum Sex
Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!
Alright Darlin'?
Amazing Birthdays! Retro Planet
Amazing Birthdays! RetroBot
Amazing Sister
American Gothic Blow Job
American Gothic Christmas BJ
An erection does not count as personal growth
And now I'm feeling shit...
Another day, another waste of makeup
Another Year
Anuvver Busy Day at Work
Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you
At least you have a job!
Audrey had the biggest bush in the street
Avon Calling
B Boy With Teddy
Bad Boy Birthday
Balance
Balloon Girl
Banksy Kissing Policemen
Be My Valentine
Be my Valentine you Big Man Whore
Be naughty... Save Santa the trip!
Beach Party
Beaver Cuts
Been Everywhere, Done Everything...
Berry Christmas x 5 Cards
Best Dad
Best Dad in the World
Better to be an old fart ,than a young shithead
Bi-Polar Bear
Big Wank Instead
Birds Decorating Tree Mini Cards (pack of 5)
Birthday Boy
Birthday Bunting Layers Card
Birthday Donkey Boy
Birthday Graffiti
Birthday Ladies Bike
Birthday Space Invaders
Birthday Typewriter
Birthday Van
Birthday wishes are like anal.
Blast Your Blasted Birthday
Blue Caterpillar Hubbly Bubbly
Boing! Boing! Boing!
Borderline Mental 'So Crazy in Love'...
Botox? Moi?
Bright red cheeks, big round belly, stout and stocky, neatly trimmed beard... That’s my wife
Brighton
Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick
Brought you a fruitcake
Buggery - Stop it! It's Dirty!
But Grandma, what a big...
But I can still hear the voices, Mummy
Buttered Up
C is for Cunt
C is for Cunt (Christmas)
C'mon girls ! Let's get pissed!
Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats
Camden Maid
Camp Performance
Cat Woman 'I Knew It'.
Chaos! Panic! Disorder! My work here is done
Cheeky Face
Cheer Up! It's only Christmas
Cheer Up! It's Your Birthday
Cheers! Dad I turned out Amazing!
Chillax! It's Your Birthday
Chlamydia
Chocoholics
Choppers
Christmas Can Fuck Right Off
Christmas comes but once per year, which...
Christmas is like Sex...
Christmas Tree x 5 Cards
Christmas TWAT in a Santa Hat
Christmas... that wonderful season when the joy of giving is followed by the pain of paying
Christmas... The only time of year when you get to put your hand inside a bird’s arse
Cock In A Box - Be My Valentine
Cocktail Menu
Coloured Camper Vans
Computer Expert - any idea?
Congratulations! You're now officially an old fart
Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age
Considered Cruel, Stopping Illegal Cockfights Proved Difficult
Cool Britannia
Cool Dude
Cyclops - Salvador Dali
Dad No One Can...
Dad Thanks for putting up with all my shit
Dad, could you be any more amazing
Dad, you're a total legend. Even if you do dress like a dick
Dad, you're the best. At...
Dad, You're the Dog's Bollocks
Dad, youre the best
Dads Kick Ass
Danger Boy
Darling
Darling Xmas Card 'Ho Ho Ho'
Dave
David wasn't gay. He just helped out when they were busy
Dear Brother...
Death / Life
Decorate Your Tree with Cum and Piss and Shit
Define Good Santa
Devil Woman
Dick Prick Pecker Cock Schlong Knob Boner
Dicky Mood Chart
Did any of you ladies lose your lipstick?
Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?
Did you know? It's as much fun to give as it is to receive Ho! Ho! Ho!
Ding Dong (Multi-folded) x 5 Cards
Dinner's On Me
Discovering alien technology while peering into your lover’s gape? Not a good sign.
Ditsy Cupcakes
Do I look like a fucking 'people person'?!
Do these crotchless panties make me look like a slut?
Do you actually like the taste or is it humiliation?
Do you hear that? That’s the sound of no one giving a fuck about your Christmas
Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday
Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone
Do you think I pass for my age?
Does my snatch look big in this?
Dog and Duck 'Merry Christmas'
Dog and Duck Christmas
Doggie Burnouts
Doggy Happy Hour
Dominatrix - They love every painful moment
Don't Get Long In The Tit
Don't Get Your Arse About Your Face
Don’t get yourself shit-faced over Christmas. Avoid Rimming
Don’t get yourself shit-faced. Avoid Rimming
Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday 
Don’t worry, it’s only gay if your swallow
Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.
Done With Digging
Dorothy Searched
Drugs are bad. Wrinkles are worse!
Drunken Twatishness 'Happy Fathers Day'
Dude, WTF is G-Flixx? "I think it's a gay porn site
Eat drink and be merry. Just don't throw up on the carpet again this year
Eat Drink Merry Layers Cards (pack of 5)
Eat Like A King And Fart Like A Dirty Fat Bastard
Eat Shit And Die Nursing Home
Eat Today For Tomorrow We Diet
Electrifying Christmas
Elegance
Elephant
Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well
Enornmous Cock
Enough! I’m putting you on my naughty list under Cock Juggling Thunder Cunt
Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.
Entirely Organic Lunchbox
Epic Bro
Erotic Garter
Especially for you
Ever been Bitch Slapped
Ever Been... Pussy Whipped
Everyone admires all the things you've done
Everyone thought she was a Cunt...
Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.
Eyeful - Are You Broadminded?
Face it you're gay!
Facebook Meal Wall Post
Family is a Fucking Mess
Fancy a Christmas kiss? Sorry I love cock
Fancy a snog this Christmas
Fast Food Apeman
Fed up with your ‘Gay Shit’
Fiesta
Finally a card that doesn't have fuck, wank, bollocks, cock or tosser on
Firework
Flamingos
Follow Your Dreams
For A Special Lady
For he's a jolly good fellow
For your birthday, I promise to hold my...
Forecast for your birthday: alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions
Frank was a little disappointed with his 'Athletic Blonde Stunner"
Fresh Fish
From A Secret Admirer
From now on you'll find that every birthday passes with increasing rapidity
Frosty The Snowman
Fruit Cordial
Fuck Off You Fucking Fucker
Fuck Off! I'm Smoking
Fuck this shit. I'll be a stripper
Fuck Your Birthday
Fuckety Fuck
Gardening Tools
Gay Boy
Gay Spider-men 'Sorry'
Gayer than a Kylie Ridding A Pink Unicorn
Genius 'Knob Jockey'
Gentleman's Club
Gentlemen's Xmas Club
George always picked inappropriate moments to go down on Ethel
Get A Fucking Grip! It's only a Birthday
Get a Head Now! it's your Birthday
Getting OLD is not so bad...every year there is less and less peer pressure
Getwelbutrin
Gifts for Weed Money
GIN not GYM
Girls & Drinking can ruin your vision terribly
Glad Tidings Bell End
Glad Tidings You Old Fucker
Glitter your growler, it’s Christmas
Go Ape - Graffiti
Go Green! Fuck A Vegetarian
Go on Flash your Gusset. It's your Birthday
Go On Flash Your Pants
Go on treat yourself - Have a wank
Going Down for the Count 'Dracula'
Gone Fishing
Good Will Cum Stain
Goose with Wreath x 5 Cards
Gorilla Mask
Grumpy Twat Christmas
Gypsy Fortune Teller
Hand Sex under the Mistletoe
Hanging Man
Happy Alien Birthday!
Happy Ballsday!
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday - Go Fuck Yourself!
Happy Birthday (Giraffe)
Happy Birthday (Waitress)
Happy Birthday Bellend
Happy Birthday Big Bollocks
Happy Birthday Bro! You are a fantastic brother and I couldn't wish for better one
Happy Birthday Camper Van
Happy Birthday Cocksucker!
Happy Birthday Dear
Happy Birthday from Me and My Pussy
Happy Birthday Fuck Face
Happy Birthday Go For It Yeah
Happy Birthday INSULTS
Happy Birthday Mentalist
Happy Birthday Now Drink Irresponsibly
Happy Birthday Now Fuck Off back to Economy
Happy Birthday Saggy Tits
Happy Birthday Shit Head
Happy Birthday Space Cadet
Happy Birthday Superhero
Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End
Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk
Happy Birthday to someone that's full of charm and gin, scotch and vodka
Happy Birthday to the Office Slut
Happy Birthday to You - You Greedy Bottom
Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head
Happy Birthday to you and your Gapping Sloppy Hole
Happy Birthday to you and your Grey Pubes
Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange
Happy Birthday to you and your Yeast Infection
Happy Birthday Two Jew
Happy Birthday UFOs
Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge
Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks
Happy Birthday you Big Girl's Blouse
Happy Birthday you big Knob Jockey
Happy Birthday You Big Man Whore
Happy Birthday You Fine Specimen of Manhood
Happy Birthday you old Fucker
Happy Birthday You Old Slapper
Happy Birthday you self centred Macho Prick
Happy birthday you total legend. Sorry, I meant bellend
Happy Birthday You Total Penis
Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker
Happy Birthday. Why not celebrate it with a lovely wank? Have a good one
Happy Christmas from everyone at our Dysfunctional Madhouse
Happy Christmas to a Miserable Fucker
Happy Christmas to a Ravenous Handsome Hunk
Happy Christmas to you and your Breath of 1000 dicks
Happy Christmas to you and your Gaping Sloppy Hole
Happy Christmas to you and your Redundant Flange
Happy Fathers Day I think your the best dad in the world
Happy Mothers Day
Happy Valentine. Now take your clothes off!
Happy Valentine's To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk
Happy Valentines Donkey Dick
Have a couple of drinks to celebrate your birthday!
Have A Fabulous Day
Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker
Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else
Have a Good One Arco Card
Have a jolly fabulous Christmas
Have A Super Sonic Birthday
Have a terribly British Birthday
Have you seen Mike Hunt?
Have you tried Head & Shoulders?
He dead. Sorry...
HE'S WATCHING YOU Now undress nice and slow, just how Santa likes it
He’s making a list. He’s checking it twice. He’s realising it’s a logistical nightmare
Help Santa Empty His Sack with a Creampie
Here's some gratuitous man flesh for your Birthday
Hey Birthday Boy, you're how old?
Hey Stud! Happy Birthday
Hey, check out Ed, he's hung like a man
Hey, we gals still have our youth.... He's tied up in the bedroom naked
Hilda regretted leaving her urine sample lying around the house
Hip Hip Hooray Card
His Milkshake really did bring the Boys to the Yard
Hmm... Thats a Wide Stance?
HO HO HO x 5 Cards
Hohoho (Multi-folded) x 5 Cards
Holy Viagra Batman!
Homemade Fresh Cock Open
Homosexuals are fucking arseholes.
Honey I am the Christmas party
Honey, you always were such a fresh-faced and lovely young thing.
Hope Your Birthday Is A Gas
Hope your Birthday is as lovely as your face !
How do you breathe through that thing?
How do you keep so slim? With a simple daily diet of booze fags & dogging
How do you manage to be such a wonderful mother? Pills and Alcohol
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its cock
How's your drink? Yes, I'd love a blowjob, thanks
Hurry Robin, To the Batcave !
I am sure you're somebody's reason to have a good wank
I am your first of a million lies Ho! Ho! Hoax!
I believe Julia has gone utterly mad this birthday!
I couldn't HELP but notice that you're unbelievably HOT!
I Deserve A Bloody Medal!
I distrust camels... and anyone else who can go a week without a drink
I do believe I'm wasted
I don't have Tourettes. You're just a cunt
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely
I don't know what makes you a dumb fuck but it really works well
I dont want to Spoil Your Christmas...
I Feel Violated. Do it Again !
I feel violated… can you do it again?
I got you a bogey for your Birthday, took me ages to pick it
I had to stop drinking alcohol because of my legs
I have poor circulation, poor vision and terrible hearing...
I hope your Birthday it so much fun that some wee comes out!
I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
I just want to say? Fuck! you're old
I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends
I know you sucked the hamster up with the vacuum cleaner
I know you? you're Fuck Face. Happy Birthday Fuck Face
I know you're my brother but you're still a knobhead
I Know Your Real Age Bitch
I Like Your Hair - Complimentary Biscuit
I love Christmas Just not as much as a big fat cock
I love Christmas. Just as much as a nice Big Wank
I love every bone in your body... especially mine
I Love Gays but I could not eat a whole one
I Love My Brilliant Boyfriend
I Love My Gorgeous Girlfriend
I love my Penis
I Love My Wonderful Mum
I love penises. Just a shame they're attached to men
I love the true spirit of Christmas Vodka
I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid
I love you Mum
I Love You So Very Fucking Much
I Love You Unconditionally *Terms and Conditions apply
I never know what to buy mummy for Christmas?
I often say to myself. "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"
I picked this card especially for you
I prescribe a whole bottle of wine
I put some of my lucky pubes in this card for you
I Really... LOVE YOU
I remember after Christmas mass we would always go snowballing with the vicar
I say no to alcohol, but it doesn't listen
I Shaved My Pussy
I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you
I took a picture of my Pussy...
I understand you are still getting erections?
I understand you're feeling a little queer. Can I have a go?
I used to be addicted
I used to care but now I take a pill for that
I want a really big dick
I Want to Shag You Good and Proper
I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!
I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do
I was going to say something rude... ‘butt fuck it’, Merry Christmas will do
I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?
I will not be providing batteries for that!
I wish I could be a premiership footballer and be paid lots of money to shag loads of women and act like a complete shit
I wish you wouldnt do that
I wonder what I'd get for my soul on ebay?
I would call you a TWAT but you lack both the depth and the warmth
I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe
I Would Love to get Acquainted with your Willy
I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'm bored. Please send drugs
I'm going to celebrate this Christmas the only way I know how - getting battered
I'm Not Gay
I'm not going to sugar the pill. Fuck you're old!
I'm not healing your bloody hangover
I'm Sorry I Slept with your Boyfriend. That's okay, He was Dead
I've lost my phone, I lost all my money. Now I've lost my mind!
I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there
I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there
I’m no gynecologist but I know a Cunt when I see one
I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted
I'm A Unicorn
I've shown you a hundred times, Ball Licking is in the Lower Back
Ideal Boy Good Habits
If a dove is the bird of peace, then let the swallow be the bird of true love
If First You Dont Succeed Give Up And Get The First Bus Home
If got was anti-weed, why did He write the Bible
If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!
If you get drunk on your birthday don't worry... I'll let my sex drive
If you jingle my bells. I’ll deliver you a white Christmas
If you were a cockroach I'd have your 300,000 babies
If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse
If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap
If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it
If You've Got It
If your teabagging? Careful not to strain yourself
If Your're Easily Offended Now would be a really good time to Fuck Off
Im so excited about your birthday I've shat myself
Im thinking we call it... Estro-Gin?
Immoral filth, twisted perversions, compromising positions, intoxicating substances...
In dog years you're dead
In dog years... you're dead.
Incontinence Hotline. Can you hold please?
Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse
INFORMATION: Please enjoy your birthday but drink responsibly
Intoxication is neither amusing nor mannerly
Is it Christmas I'm too pissed to care
Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?
Is the season for giving, 'bend over'
It Is Wine O'Clock Yet?
It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!
It was going to be an unconventional
It was time for another trip up the high road...
It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel
It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel (Christmas)
It's A Look
It's All About Me!!
It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas
It's Christmas - Let's pretend we like each other
It's Christmas, let's get Twatted
It's Christmas, stop looking at porn
It's just not a birthday unless you get blind drunk with all your mates.
It's you birthday Drink Smoke Screw
It's you birthday Let's Get Trashed
It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead
It's Your Birthday Let's Get Twatted!
It's your birthday Shit Dick Cock Sucker
It's your birthday Smeg Head
It's your birthday TWAT
It's your birthday You Old Cunt
It's your birthday You Poleslaw Snot Guzzler
It's your birthday You Soggy Cum Bucket
It's your Birthday! You're probably too drunk to notice
It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber
it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!
It’s Birthday o’clock the big hand is on the GIN
It’s Christmas time to get absolutely bladdered
It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice 
It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?
It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings...you're a piss head and we get pissed up
It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig
It’s the Christmas season. Let the over indulgence begin...
It's called 'CBF' or medically speaking 'Catastrophic Botox Failure'
It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster
Its only kinky the first time
Its Your Birthday Time
Jesus is Watching You
Jesus Loves Everyone - Except For You, You Cunt!
Jingle Balls, Jingle Balls
Jingle Bell End
Joint Replacement At 20 and 50
Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!
Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass
Just let me put you hold whilst I have a good laugh at your problem
Just plucked and stuffed the turkey didn't have the heart to kill it
Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits
Keep It Real
Keep Smiling. Wine can't be that far away!
Keep this line Free for Sex...
Knockers and Nipples
Last night was slowly coming back to him...
Lenten Rose
Lesbians are fucking bitches
Let Us Never Speak of Your Age Again
Let's Call Him Wayne
Let's Get You Out Of That Dress
Let's ride the big rainbow to Gayland
Let's spend loads of money on shit we don't need
Let's Fuck
Lets Get Totally Wasted
Lets see how You like NOT Playing with your Balls for a week
Licked Shut by a Dog...
Little Johnny couldn't wait to show that bitch his cock. Bitches love cocks
Little Monster
Look On The Bright Side
Look, you're not going out dressed like that
Look! Mummy's kissing Santa Claws! And that ain't his FACE he's kissing!
Looking Good!
Lost Gerbil
Love The Cock
Love Ya
Love You Want You Can't Be Without You!
Loving You Is Easy
Loving you... Is like throwing a sausage down the old kent road
Low Tide
Make sure you get your 5 a day!
Man From CAMP
Many Happy Returns Donkey Dong
Many Happy Returns of the Turd Thumper
Many Happy Returns WANKER
Margaret discreetly came up on her third pill of the evening
Massive mistake sending my dyslexic mate a text saying "Can you fetch my wife from home"
Matt was in for the ride of his life !
May You Live Long and Never Smell of Wee
Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me
Merry Christmas 'Penguins' x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas (Poster Boy) x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas (Robby) x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas (Super Santa) x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas (the Giraffe) x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas (Tree) x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas and Festive Piss Flaps
Merry Christmas Bell End
Merry Christmas Cunt
Merry Christmas Donkey x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas Fairy x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas Fist Fucker Cum Slut
Merry Christmas from Me and My Pussy
Merry Christmas from my dysfunctional family
Merry Christmas Fuck Face
Merry Christmas Get Fucked Up!
Merry Christmas Greedy Bollocks
Merry Christmas Jingle Bollocks
Merry Christmas Knob Head
Merry Christmas Less Ding. More Dong
Merry Christmas Meltdown
Merry Christmas No Felching
Merry Christmas Now Fuck Off
Merry Christmas Now Fuck Off Back To Economy
Merry Christmas Shit Head
Merry Christmas Shit Stabber
Merry Christmas SMEG HEAD
Merry Christmas to one of the nicest wankers...
Merry Christmas Vage Eater
Merry Christmas Waitress x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas Wanker
Merry Christmas with low hanging balls
Merry Christmas x 5 Cards
Merry Christmas You Cock
Merry Christmas You Fuckin Whore
Merry Christmas You Gapping Arsehole
Merry Christmas You Old Cunt
Merry Christmas You Old Fucker
Merry Christmas. go fuck yourself!
Merry Christmas. Now fuck off out of my face
Merry Christmas. What a Total Waste of Money
Merry Fistmas
Merry Fucking Christmas
Merry Fucking Christmas
Merry Fucking Christmas
Merry Fucking Christmas Ho! Ho! Ho!
Merry Fucking Xmas
Merry Fucking Xmas
Mexican Donkey
Mexican Donkey Man x 5 Pack
Military
Minge Fanny Flange Clam Snatch Gash Beaver
Mini Penguins x 5 Cards
mmm...Spunk!
Mod Target
Mommy Kissing Santa
Mommy's Working
Money Is The Root Of All Evil
More crap presents I don’t need!
Most Men are Bastards 'And all others are gay'
Mother Fucking Whore
Mother made me a homosexual
Mount Rudolf x 5 Pack
Mount Santa x 5 Pack
Mr Peterson was delighted with his new rent boy
Mum, could you be any more amazing
Mum, thanks for putting up with all of our shit
Mushroom Fairy x 5 Pack
Must I really celebrate your Birthday again...?
My beautiful valentine. Love you!
My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?
My handsome valentine. Love you!
My Sodomy Days Are Behind Me
My Weed! FUCK
Naked Down The Pub(e)
Natural Look Beavers
Nauseating Christmas Cheer
Never Darken My Dior
Never let a drag queen do your make-up
Never Put All Your Eggs I n One Basket Sleep Around It's Fun
Nice Caboose!
Nice Christmas tree, will you be putting it up yourself?
Nil By Arse
Nil By Vigina
NO Farting
No one wants to explore Uranus. Stop asking
No Pain No Gain
No presents for you this year. You've been wanking to much!
No Trespass
No! Santa will not be delivering in Uranus
No. Mine was the herb-crusted cod with a rocket and parmesan
No. You look more gay
Nob Artiste
Note to self: Must not take tranquilisers when doing the housework
Now you are getting older... Perhaps its time to close the beef curtains
Now you're older, you’ll have to stop wanking all the time
Now....whose mind shall I fuck with today.......?
Nympho Maniac
OAP Old and Plastered
OAPs S&M Field Trip
Obsession
Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
Of Course I'm Educated... I have a degree in Retail Therapy
Offensive Xmas Multi Pack x 5
Oh A bowl of Shit. You shouldn't have
Oh God, what could I get him for Father's Day?
Oh I just love what you've done with your hair
Oh look. Your husband's drowning
Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now
Oh! I thought I could smell fish... happy birthday
Oh. there's just one more thing. You're a Cunt
Oi Dickhead!
Ok, not the best time to say I've been sleeping with his brother
OK, This Yoga thing has really become a problem
Old Fashioned Tools
Olympic Farting 'Happy Fathers Day'
OMFG!! You're how old?
On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face
On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’ 
On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?
Only the Candles Getting A Blow Job
Ooh Nice Package
Oral sex will make your day Anal sex will make your hole weak
Overindulgence Disposal Unit
Panda Guns Pink
Pauline and Keith always made an effort when they when dogging
Peace on Earth and goodwill to all lesbians
Peace on earth? with these fuckin’ fuckers? Ho! Ho! Ho!
Penis Inside the Turkey
Pensioners should never experiment with drugs?
People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’...so I ordered Penicillin
People say this card is rude. I say fuck'em!
People say this Chrustmas Card is Rude
People who say size doesn't matter are shallow
Performing Dogs
Permanently on the naughty list and loving it
Phozac Viagra Valim Smarties
Pick It Up Bitch
Pink Motors
Pinocchio
Play Us A Tune On Your Banjo String
Please don’t bend over, it looks like a hippo yawning 
Please ensure you wash your hands after contact with your mucky cock, thank you
Please God- If you can't make me thin
Polite Notice Please Go And Fuck Yourself Thank You
Polite Notice. It's only your Birthday, not a major international crisis
Pool Party
Poor bastard, he's hooked on crack!
Porn saved our marriage
Posing Pouch
Prancer x 5 Cards
Prehistoric Relic
Pretend to have sex with the in laws pets
Pulling Faces
Put Your Feet Up DAD you lazy git!
Queen of the Fucking Universe
Quicky Sex
Rage the Flower Bomber
Rainbow Flag
Real Hobby
Real Men
Red and green should never be seen. Except with a lesbian in between
Red Nose
Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it
Resurrection
Retro Card
Retro Elvis Icon
Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday
Right, who want FISTING?
Robot
Rockets and Moon
Rosetta Stone. Women: Level 1-6
Rotten Ungrateful Scum
Rub one out instead
Rude Xmas Multi Pack x 5
Sailing
Salvador Dali
Sandy Cove
Santa Bitch - No you guide the sleigh tonight...
Santa has the right idea, visit people once a year!
Santa Relaxing After Work
Santa you really smell of wee
Santa, hurry up and get your fat arse down here!
Santa's Coming *all over your face
Santa's Favourite x 5 Pack
Santas Ices x 5 Pack
Santas Naughty Helper x 5 Pack
Satan Was A Lesbian
Save The Planet
Scooters
Screw You
Season Greetings 'Party Bus' x 5 Pack
Seasons Beatings Wanker
Seasons Greetings (Christmas Fairy) x 5 Pack
Seasons Greetings Rudolf x 5 Pack
Serenity
Seriously, Again?
Shave Your Pussy in the name of Christ Almighty
She Flys
She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy
She was full of the joys of Spring and class A drugs
Shh! Nobody knows I'm gay
Shit In My Pocket
Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday
Shopaholics
Show Girls
Sid James
Silent Night Cards (pack of 5)
Simply, A Cum Whore...
Simply, A Wanker...
Simply, Amazing...
Simply, Ancient...
Simply, Blue Waffle...
Simply, Brownstarfish...
Simply, Buggered...
Simply, Cunt...
Simply, Disgraceful...
Simply, Drunk and Disorderly...
Simply, Embarrassing...
Simply, Fuck Off...
Simply, Fucked...
Simply, Gorgeous...
Simply, Hilarious...
Simply, Love You...
Simply, The Best...
Size Does Matter
Ski
Slut Junkie Lesbian Man
Smile If You Had It Last Night!
Snowboarding Penguin x 5 Pack
Snowman (Multi-folded) x 5 Cards
Snowman Mini Cards (pack of 5)
So many cocks, so little time
So what if it's Christmas, your still a tosser
So, that's where I left my watch . . .
Sod your soddin Birthday
Soldier Frisk
Somedays You Just Can't Be Arsed
Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver
Sometimes men make the strangest requests!
Sophisticated Elegant Classy
Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles 
Spacemen
Sphincter (Health and Safety Advice)
Spiderman - Sorry
Spiffing Porno Dear
St. Mary Juana: Our Lady of Wacky Tobacky
Start your day with a smile...
Startling Stories - Fear of the Office
Startling Stories - The Cosmic Fear Factory
Still a Knobhead
Still Looking Hot Birthday Boy!
Stimulus Package
Stoned Reindeers Christmas Card
Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend
Striped Xmas Tree x 5 Cards
Stuff That Game Bird Up The Arse And Eat It
Style is like 'the clap'
Submarine
Suck My Cock
Super Hero Blows His Top
Super Mum
Surf's Up
Swinging Birthday
Syrupy Goodness
Take it all bitch, there's plenty more where that came from
Take your Christmas cheer and shove it up your arse...
Teapots
Texting you a Merry Christmas! ‘Rudolph’
Thank Fuckery it's Christmas
Thank you for flying with us. Now fuck off
Thanks a lot. The sweater was a huge hit at the dog park
That's an Old Fart
The anti-depressants seemed to be working
The Big Snowball x 5 Pack
The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern
The Dashing Dog
the Degenerates Xmas Multi Pack x 6
The Doctor
The Gardener
The good new is I did a close inspection of your colon and it looks PERFECT!
The good new is I did a close inspection of your colon and it looks PERFECT! (Get Well Soon)
The Human Santapede
the Lads Xmas Multi Pack x 6
The Man Who Knows
The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune
the Party Animals Xmas Multi Pack x 6
The Party Starts Here!
The Princess
The Robots
The Scientific Simpleton
The Seal of Approval
The Season to Get Wankered...
The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age
the Snowman
The sugar seemed to be kicking in
The terror alert is now between peach and fuchsia and swaying up to cerise
The Twit...chers
Their trip to Buckingham Palace had proven rather fruitful
They broke the mould when they made you
They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe
They said no one gives a shit about your Christmas.
They want the impossible? Those greedy little brats
Things had been a little tense ever since Jack suggested they try anal
Think Big
Thinking Of You
Thinking Of You
Thinking Of You!
Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin
This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’ 
this birthday... GO GAY
this Christmas it's time to Party!!
This Christmas one wouldn’t want to go too far. How about the elbow?
This Christmas? Eat like a king and fart like a dirty fat bastard
This is a room full of people that care about your birthday
This is bullshit.
This man has a huge cock
This person is an Absolute TWAT
This Season Can Fuck Right Off
This Season Celebrate Sodomy
This Season Cum On My Tits
This Season Eat Drink Screw
This Season Get Your Tits Out
This Season Give Blow Jobs
This Season Give Shit In A Box
This Season Give Your Dong A Ding
This Season Have A Party Farty
This Season Humiliate Yourself As Usual
This Season Let Your Balls Hang Low
This Season Let Your Turkey Necks Flap
This Season Lets Get Pissed
This Season Tickle Your Fancy
This Season Try Bugger All
This Season Women Should Suck Cock More Often
This sign is all wonky...
This year we're having Grandma for Christmas dinner. I expect she will protest when we start stuffing
Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass
Three Policemen
Time for Birthday cakes and booty shakes
Time for Drinkypoos
Tis the Season to be Ever Gayer than Normal
Tis the season to be Jolly Stupid x 5 Pack
Titty Mood Chart
To A Total Gent Lovely Chap Top Bloke Dude Like Person
To offer someone a mint is polite.
To One of the Nicest Wankers
To the best Mum in the World
To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father
To you and your Babooning Bottom
Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday
Today is all about YOU! Tomorrow your a nobody again
Today is your Birthday and you're the centre of attention. Relax and enjoy being the 'special person of the day'.
Tommy Cooper
Too BIG to Fail
Toucan
Tourettes Diner Menu
Tourist Information
Trains
Treat yourself to some Anal
Tree (Multi-folded) x 5 Cards
Troll
Trying to sleep here!!
Tweeting you a Merry Christmas
Two Penguins x 5 Cards
Twunt
UFOs
Urgh! I've eaten something that doesn't agree with me. No you haven't
Urgh! I've eaten something that doesn't agree with me. No you haven't
VALENTINE I've just eaten a whole packet of Viagra (Brace Yourself!)
Valentine My Monkey's been naughty please SPANK HIM
Valentine Your Face or Mine?
Vulgar Xmas Multi Pack x 5
Wanking in a winter wonderland
Wanna Take A stroll in my Lady Garden
Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl
WARNING The person reading this card loves cock. (Lots of it)
Watching you eat your own cum is disgusting but I can’t look away!
Wattle Hangs Lower
We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter
We will be there...
Well first the engine will explode and then...
Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday
What a Fantastic Wank!
What A Kerfuffle
What are you getting this Christmas Mummy? Blind drunk
What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus
What recession?
What?
Wheels
When did I sign up for this shit?
When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Binge Drinker
When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Notorious Homosexual
When I Grow Up I Want To Stand Outside
When in doubt Brew Up
When nailing your scrotum to the table, remember to leave the pilers within arms reach
Where Did We Go Wrong
Where's my present!
Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand
Which Part Of 'Beastiality Is Illegal' Don't You Understand
Which Part Of 'Fuck Off' Don't You Understand
Which Part Of 'Tea Bagging' Don't You Understand
While you're down there...
Whose Birthday IS IT? Fuck Knows I'm Wasted
Will Fuck For Drugs
Will we be eating out of Uranus for Valentines?
Winners don't smoke weed: Champions do!
Wishing You A Merry Christmas x 5 Pack
Wishing You A Wonderful Birthday
WOAH! Too much information!
Wonder Mum
Work For Idiots
Would Daniel ever find his way to Bumsexland ?
Would you like to stroke my pussy?
WOW! It's Your Birthday
Yellow Lines
Yes you’re old, but the important thing is I am young
Yoga Sucks
YOU ain't gettin shit!
You are such a slut, we will have to bury you in a Y shaped coffin
You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!
You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’
You know you're old when all your friends smell of piss
You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps
You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs
You look familiar. Have I seen you somewhere before?
You Look Great for Your Age - Almost Life-Like
YOU made me gay
You may not be as gay as this. But at least you're trying
You seem to have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit
You Sexy Thang
You shag that bird last night? nah... it hadn't defrosted properly
You shag that bird last night? nah...it hadn't defrosted properly
You Shit Rainbows
You should see my doughnuts
You Should See the Size of My Sack
You should see the state of my mimsy
You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think
You want a 12 inch vibrator you dirty bitch
You're a cheap good for nothing whore
You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me
You're A Twat But I Like You!
You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!
You're Blinding !
You're Fab
You're getting nothing you old slutbag
You're How Old! I thought that was the number of men you'd slept with!
You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing
You're ok I suppose, but not as good as my vibrator
You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’
You're So Old I Kept the Receipt...
You're so special... Get well soon!
You've been a very naughty boy !
You've Still Got it! It's a shame nobody wants it
You’ll have to stop wanking over Christmas. It’s embarrassing when people visit
You’re getting fuck all
You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!
You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum 
Younger Gentleman's Club
Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia
Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery
Your Pet Unicorn
Your So Old You're Starting to Smell Of Wee
Your stupid illness is robbing me of attention so get well soon
Your're A Wanker